After a woman has popped out one child, her body suddenly becomes an empty vessel that evidently needs filling up again. Weeks after popping out Little London I was often asked when I was thinking of conceiving his sibling. I could feel my poor womb shudder and my caesarean wound tighten at the thought.
While my Son was a happy accident, I know I could easily have postponed children by half a decade with ease. I wouldn’t trade him in for the world now that he’s here, but it does make me wonder when the right time for a sibling would be- after all I’d hope to have a bit more control over the conception next time around!
Because that’s the one certainty. I want one more baby. Not because I enjoyed pregnancy- I hated it. Unless you’re glutton for punishment I don’t see the appeal in pregnancy. Also it’s not because I like newborns; honestly I find them tedious, tying and much prefer the excitement of the toddler years. In fact when I see pregnancy announcements from friends I don’t think ‘awww how sweet and exciting’ I think ‘oh my God, poor bitch.’
So why do I want another baby?
Simply because I loved having an older Sister. I couldn’t imagine my childhood without my Sister, and I wouldn’t want my Son to not have that bond with a sibling. I love him that much that I’ll repeat the pregnancy, birth and newborn experience I disliked so much in order to give him that unconditional life long friend.
But I’m hitting my head against a brick wall wondering when the right time to start the process all over again would be. My Son is now at an age where he’s slowly cutting the ties. He’s walking, he’s babbling, days out actually have meaning to him, he eats what we eat and other than the fact he still wears a nappy he’s pretty much ‘reared.’ Toddlers I seem to love. While I’m enjoying this stage I don’t want to interrupt it. Especially by going back to the days where I’ll be confined to four walls because of the amount that needs to be taken out with a newborn in tow. But at the same time I don’t want to have a huge age gap between my children.
My Sister and I are separated by two and a half years. For me I think that’s the longest I’d want to leave it, because I really enjoyed having a Sister that was able to play and interact with me, and not feel that I was too young to be bothered with. While we had our own friends we were still able to play with each others friends when they visited, and as we got older we were able to share clothes, talk makeup and fashion and lust over boys together. To this day we’re still close. She was the first person I told when I found out I was pregnant (Yep, even before Mr London Mum).
But with that age gap, that would mean I’d have to start thinking about baby two this Autumn, and I’m not mentally prepared for that by any means! I still have so much I want to do before I resign myself to another year locked indoors after a gruelling 10 month pregnancy. At the same time though, having experienced Motherhood I don’t know if all the challenges I initially faced would be the same second time around. I know what newborns are about, they’re no longer a mystery to me. I know that the first year is the hardest but it’s worth it. And seeing my Son play with my Sister’s Son recently was just heart warming. Watching them hug and kiss each other was beautiful.
Can you see my dilemma? My heart and head don’t seem to match up, in fact my heart and head seem to change sides frequently to the point I have no idea what I want or what would be best.
So over to you, what age gap do your children have? Or what would you consider the ideal gap to be?