When’s the Right Time for a Second Baby?

After a woman has popped out one child, her body suddenly becomes an empty vessel that evidently needs filling up again.  Weeks after popping out Little London I was often asked when I was thinking of conceiving his sibling.  I could feel my poor womb shudder and my caesarean wound tighten at the thought.

While my Son was a happy accident, I know I could easily have postponed children by half a decade with ease.  I wouldn’t trade him in for the world now that he’s here, but it does make me wonder when the right time for a sibling would be- after all I’d hope to have a bit more control over the conception next time around!


Because that’s the one certainty.  I want one more baby.  Not because I enjoyed pregnancy- I hated it.  Unless you’re glutton for punishment I don’t see the appeal in pregnancy.  Also it’s not because I like newborns; honestly I find them tedious, tying and much prefer the excitement of the toddler years.  In fact when I see pregnancy announcements from friends I don’t think ‘awww how sweet and exciting’ I think ‘oh my God, poor bitch.’

So why do I want another baby?

Simply because I loved having an older Sister.  I couldn’t imagine my childhood without my Sister, and I wouldn’t want my Son to not have that bond with a sibling.  I love him that much that I’ll repeat the pregnancy, birth and newborn experience I disliked so much in order to give him that unconditional life long friend.

But I’m hitting my head against a brick wall wondering when the right time to start the process all over again would be.  My Son is now at an age where he’s slowly cutting the ties.  He’s walking, he’s babbling, days out actually have meaning to him, he eats what we eat and other than the fact he still wears a nappy he’s pretty much ‘reared.’  Toddlers I seem to love.  While I’m enjoying this stage I don’t want to interrupt it.  Especially by going back to the days where I’ll be confined to four walls because of the amount that needs to be taken out with a newborn in tow.  But at the same time I don’t want to have a huge age gap between my children.

My Sister and I are separated by two and a half years.  For me I think that’s the longest I’d want to leave it, because I really enjoyed having a Sister that was able to play and interact with me, and not feel that I was too young to be bothered with.  While we had our own friends we were still able to play with each others friends when they visited, and as we got older we were able to share clothes, talk makeup and fashion and lust over boys together.  To this day we’re still close.  She was the first person I told when I found out I was pregnant (Yep, even before Mr London Mum).

But with that age gap, that would mean I’d have to start thinking about baby two this Autumn, and I’m not mentally prepared for that by any means! I still have so much I want to do before I resign myself to another year locked indoors after a gruelling 10 month pregnancy.  At the same time though, having experienced Motherhood I don’t know if all the challenges I initially faced would be the same second time around.  I know what newborns are about, they’re no longer a mystery to me.  I know that the first year is the hardest but it’s worth it.  And seeing my Son play with my Sister’s Son recently was just heart warming.  Watching them hug and kiss each other was beautiful.

Can you see my dilemma? My heart and head don’t seem to match up, in fact my heart and head seem to change sides frequently to the point I have no idea what I want or what would be best.

So over to you, what age gap do your children have? Or what would you consider the ideal gap to be?




  1. I would of loved to of been pregnant a year at my first but I made the decision to wait 3 years to really give myself and my body to heal after my awful delivery. After having Archie I am thinking I would like another but the idea of having a 3rd c section terrifies me. Even though the boys are 4 and 14 months they are the best of friends. Alfies is also extremely helpful and loves to look after his baby brother X

    • Did you find it was difficult at the start though when Alfie was younger? x

  2. I would have ideally had a two and a half year age gap – meaning I would have been having a baby right now as I type (well, maybe give or take a few weeks hehe!) – that was not to happen though because financially I have to work and financially we can’t afford two in nursery! So, we have to wait until the lead up to Zach starting school in 2017. I’ve worked it out to the month and it means we can start trying next earlyish next year! It means there will be about a four year age gap which is what me and my sister have and it’s just fine! If our circumstances change – we’ll do it earlier!

    • Money is such a factor isn’t it? 4 years seems to be quite a good gap from the look of things. xx

  3. So annoying when people say stuff like that, it’s so personal! My siblings were all pretty close, my mum had 4 in the space of 5 years (crazy). Our gap of 3.5 years was sooner than I might have planned but I loved it because he was in pre-school to give me time alone with the baby but he is still pretty close in age and loves his sister!

    • I think when I have a bit more of a timeline for playgroup and pre school that may be the thing that helps decide. I love the freedom I’m suddenly getting and can’t imagine the juggling of two very little ones at the same time with no help. x

  4. I had my second when my daughter was five. I thought this age gap was pretty neat because it made sure that my daughter had me to herself for a good five years, and she was semi-independent before I had the next one.

    • See I like the idea that one is independent, which would make the day to day struggles easier with 2. I just get worried that they might not play with each other in the same way as siblings closer in age. I suppose it’s because I don’t have experience with that kind of age gap so don’t know how it actually functions. xx

  5. I would love baby number 2 right now! I would have liked a couple of years between but that’s obvs not going to happen as Eliot turns 2 in June. We have to get the house right & be more settled (so I’m told!). My friend has a four year gap with her two & she says it great! X

    • Yeah that’s another factor for us. We’re obviously still in a one bed with plans to convert the loft, but until we sort out the legal side of that it does mean we can’t even be sure we’d fit as a family of four!
      Maybe a 4 year gap then 😉 xx

  6. You really sound like you’re in a battle between head and heart! We knew we wanted a second and were planning a 2 year gap but obviously he had other plans haha so now it’ll be 20 months instead. To be honest I’m really glad it happened this way and were so excited – it’ll mean we’re not out of the baby stage completely yet she’s old enough to understand xx

    • Sometimes I think accidents are better because it takes the deciding factor out of your hands and you manage to deal with it. For you actually once you get past the baby years both of them will be so close in age it’ll be like freedom as they get older together. xx

  7. I totally relate to everything you’ve said hun. I struggled for the first 14 months, and now love being a mummy and much prefer the toddler years. However, now I’ve done it, will the baby months be easier and more enjoyable? I suppose no one can answer that because every baby is different. I’m hoping its better second time around!! I wrote this blog post 7 months ago http://www.lambandbear.co.uk/thinking-baby-number-2/ and I still stand by what I said back then, only difference is, we have even less money as my husband was made redundant! Lamb is now 25 months and I’m still not quite ready for another. I’m giving myself until September, then we will discuss it. I want Lamb to be at least 3 before the next one arrives xx

    • Thanks for the link, I’ll have a good read, because anything that helps me decide will be so useful. Money is always an issue, I knew before having a baby that they cost.. but I never knew how much. I think that’s another reason we want to perhaps wait a bit as opposed to try right now. My partner has just gone freelance and we want to be a bit more stable before embarking on another pregnancy. xx

  8. We’ll have almost exactly 2 years between ours when the new baby arrives. That’s the same gap as me and my brother and what I always planned – like you I wanted what I was used to. I know it will be hard for the next couple of years while they are both little but we’re not planning any more kids and the baby years will all be over and done with quite quickly. I don’t think I could wait four or five years then start again with a newborn!

    • That’s the thing, I only plan on having two as well, so in a way dealing with a year or two of hard work may ultimately be worth it. Thanks for your insight. xx

  9. There is a 19month age gap between my two and they are now 7 and 5. I’m not sure if I’d be too happy with a massive age gap if I was to have another child. There is 11 years between my brother and I and we don’t get to spend time together as siblings would normally do as of yet, I’m almost 24 and he’s nearly 13. I ‘keep an eye on him’ rather than just hang out and he’s still at an age where I feel I have to tell him what to do as a child rather than just have a laugh. It’s not much fun but he is pretty lovely and he dotes on his neice and nephew.

    • My partner has a 9 year age gap, and they’re close now, but growing up obviously it was very different. and I think they both felt like only children in that sense. I don’t think I want a huge age gap either. I just need to figure out if it should be , 3 or 4 years! lol x

  10. Loosest of loosest connections I know LondonMum, when I was with a performing arts theatre company, I remember working with two very talented twin girls – BORN IN DIFFERENT CENTURIES. That must have taken some planning eh? ha. Officially.

  11. ohhhh I feel the same re the second baby although I really enjoyed being pregnant. Jacob was also a happy accident but my little miracle as I have pcos so maybe that’s why but I always think when is the right time the end of the year next year. I can’t quite make up my mind and I don’t think there is ever a “right time” as again I was the same as you I could of happily waited another 5 years but I wouldn’t change it and it feels perfect. I’m hoping for a sign or for my body to just know when is right! Ohhh gosh this was no help just a ramble to let you know your not alone xxx great post by the way.
    Jen x

    • Hahah you’ve basically just gone into my brain and wrote it down! I’m glad I’m not the only one that ends up so muddled with these thoughts! xx

  12. I have a 9 month old and I really want another baby. I had a miscarriage when he was 5 months but there would have been a one year age gap and I would’ve loved it having two so close, they’d be best friends!
    I would love to have four babies all close together so that they grow up with friends for life. My sisters are my best friends.

    • Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It’s never easy to lose a much wanted baby.

      For me I’d struggle with babies that close I think, but saying that if it happened I’d just have to deal with it and probably find I actually have the ability to cope. But I agree I do really want that closeness. I’d love that for my son. x

  13. I have a beautiful little girl who is 16 months old and another surprise package due in 6 weeks. It has taken me a really long time to adjust to this surprise and I am hoping things will just fall into place emotionally once he is born. We wanted a 2nd, for the same reason as you, but just not so close together. It is going to be hard work (as strangers have seemed to enjoy telling me over the past 7 months..!), but the crappy time will be short lived in the grand scheme of things and it will be lovely once they are older and can play together. I am sure they will be the best of friends. Another positive is getting the nappy stage over and done with, oh and burning the awful maternity clothes once and for all! 😉

    • That’s the thing, you know what it’ll be like because you’re prepared, but when your second is that bit older you’ll be able to just relax because you’ve got siblings so close in age they’ll play and look after each other. My son is now 19 months old and it’s amazing just how grown up he is. I often think I’d be able to cope with two at this stage. I better get on the ball really! Please tell me how it goes and how you find it x

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