Ever since getting pregnant with Little London I’ve alway envisioned him having a sibling. I suppose you keep to what is familiar, and I grew up with an older sister so I couldn’t imagine a childhood without a sibling.
However his birth and the first year after his birth which I found quite difficult certainly put me off the idea of another baby for quite some time.
Although I was never diagnosed with post natal depression, I do think I suffered from it silently and with this pregnancy I’ve been much more open with my midwife who has it down on my notes to make sure I’m given the support and I’m watched more closely in case I need that help.
My plan before having my son was to have two children with a two and a half year age gap. But when the time came for us to start trying to get that wanted age gap, I just wasn’t ready mentally, physically and certainly not emotionally. I would never have coped.
The more time that went by, the more worried I became that Little London might end up being a our only child. My mind set just didn’t seem prepared at all at the prospect of doing it all again.
This year though something changed. My son is now more or less self sufficient. And all this has helped me relax into being the mother I wanted to be. But it’s also made me pine for those days when he was younger.
I started to actually miss those newborn days- and I never thought that moment would ever come because I despised those days with my son. I struggled massively.
But surprisingly, something shifted and the time did come. I wanted to be able to curl up with a newborn and take my time watching it grow and learn. I didn’t want to rush through things like I did with Little London. With your first born everything is a milestone you want to tick off. With a second baby I think you want to slow those milestones down because you know they aren’t that little for long.
I want to be able to share having a newborn with my son who I absolutely adore and who I know will make the most amazing big brother. And mostly I want him to have a sibling that he can grow up with, play with. Laugh with and enjoy summer holidays with. I want to watch their bond develop knowing they’ll love each other for eternity.
My one stipulation though when getting pregnant again was to avoid being pregnant in the summer. With my son being a December baby I had to endure the full summer heat with him, and it was unbearable. I get really hot when pregnant (my one birth concern with Little London was not having enough fans in the room) and coupled with low blood pressure I would often feel really faint and ill with him. I remember having to eat dinner in a bath tub of cold water when I was pregnant because I couldn’t cool down.
And when he was born the weather at the time was dire. It was around that time when it continuously rained and most of the UK was flooded. It meant after having him I was restricted to the house. It was cold outside and I didn’t want to take him out for fear of him getting ill and of course I didn’t want to get wet from the persistent bad weather while I was recovering from a c section. Having to sneeze wasn’t something I wanted to encourage.
So with the clock ticking I figured we’d try and conceive to be pregnant this winter. We actually left it a bit late because the house purchase became our main focus. But luckily we got pregnant straight away, but had we not we may have tried for another month before waiting for the winter afterwards.
I’m really hoping this time around I can enjoy my newborn and I can take things at a much more comfortable and sedate pace. With the baby due in May the weather should mean I’ll be able to get out and about. And Im hoping with the care I’m under if I do find myself struggling I’ll feel more confident on seeking that help.