Bleeding Again & Talking About My Miscarriage| 9 Weeks & 4 Days

So for about a week I’ve had no bleeding at all.  And I kind of put a line under that part of my pregnancy.  The cramping had gone as well, so I put it down to old scar tissue from my c-section stretching and possibly rupturing slightly causing the bleeding.

But last night I started to bleed again.  Trying to keep my level head on I ignored it and just continued.  But this morning there was more blood and so of course I felt like I had to get it checked out.

Any kind of bleeding is always going to be a bit nerve wracking, and as much as I want to remain calm and chilled and pretend everything is all fine I also feel the need to make sure the baby is ok.

I think the reason for this is because many years ago before I had Little London I suffered a miscarriage.  It was undiagnosed because I never thought at the time to go to a hospital.  I figured by the time I realised what is was, it was a bit late and what more could anyone else do? I lived opposite a hospital so I knew that if something felt drastically wrong I could walk into A&E without any issue, but the waiting time to sit in and wait wasn’t really anything I wanted to do while having a miscarriage.

I was on the mini pill at the time, which is a small dose hormone pill that you have to take daily and diligently.  And with that pill you don’t have periods- a god send really!  Unless you’re a bit bad at taking them.

In the early hours of the morning, while it was still dark outside I remember waking up and just feeling horrific back pain.  Which was followed by some leaking.  I thought it was odd, because I’d never had a period start in the middle of the night in that way.  So I hobbled off to the toilet.

And I just bled.  I remember when I wiped there was grey tissue matter on the tissue, which confused me.  But being tired I just thought I’d get myself back into bed, and if I could go to sleep I wouldn’t feel the pain.  So I put on a pad and did that.  Except 5 minutes later I was back on the toilet because I’d soaked through the night time pad.

By the time the blood flow slowed a bit (to the point is wasn’t just pouring out of me anymore) it was morning.  I’d stayed quiet the whole time just rubbing my back and googling information on my phone.  But I’d hit the point where I couldn’t stay there forever just silently dealing with the pain.  I needed some help.  So I woke Mr London Mum up crying just before his alarm was due to go off.  I wasn’t crying because of the miscarriage.  To be honest I didn’t know I was pregnant so I wasn’t mourning a lost or wanted child at the time- that sounds harsh but it’s very different I think if it’s a baby you were aware of.

I was crying because I was in pain.  My back was killing me, and I was in shock.  He calmed me down, got me some paracetamol and a hot water bottle and helped me drift back off to sleep.  We managed the pain and to control the blood flow over the time it took for the pain and bleeding to stop.

So when I bleed now although the bleeding doesn’t happen in the manner above, it does concern me.

It concerns me because I think I’m going to miscarry. And if I’m not going to miscarry it concerns me because I think it may be related to the low grade CIN cells around my cervix which were picked up during a colposcopy looking for cervical cancer.  Have they gotten worse?  Is the timing of this pregnancy just completely off?

So I went into the hospital to get checked, and they were great.  They sent me off for a scan as soon as they could and told me that I would be able to get a smear test done while pregnant.  It won’t harm the baby, but many women don’t like the idea of it so often wait until after birth.  If anything was found nothing could be done until 3 months after birth anyway, so I personally think I’ll just wait until after I’ve had the baby and get everything checked as soon as I can.

We did get to walk away with our first scan picture though.

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We saw Baby London punching and kicking around on the screen, very much alive and well and totally unfazed by the drama outside the womb.  It’s such a relief to see.

Although going in to hospital is worrying, in a way it was nice to experience it with Mr London Mum.  He got to see the baby on a scan one more time before heading abroad for 8 weeks on a job.  He’ll obviously be missing our first proper 12 week scan because of that.

We finally got a picture to take home and show Little London as well, not something we were offered on the first scan we had.  He loves asking to see it, and completely understands the concept that “baby sister” is inside my tummy (it’s not a confirmed girl but Little London refuses to acknowledge that it might be a boy).  He just hopes she’s not scared of the monsters in the dark surrounding her.  Lovely.

thelondonmum

46 Comments

  1. It must be worrying all this bleeding to start, stop and start up again and I can see why you’re fearful even though you know Baby London is in there kicking about, the underlying issue is why the bleeding which is worrying. I really hope it stops and for keeps when it does xo

    • Luckily since this post I haven’t bled afterwards. Fingers crossed it stays that way x

    • He’s so excited. I surprise dhow much he understands and knows whats going on.

    • It was great that we were able to see the baby and get that picture before Mr London Mum had to up and go to work for so many weeks.

    • I wasn’t upset by the miscarriage at the time, it wasn’t a planned or even known pregnancy so the loss was very minor but it does play on my mind now that I’m pregnant again. To be honest it’s the start of the mother panic I think which just doesn’t ever go away. We will worry until the day we die.

    • I think statistically they say most women will have a miscarriage at least once in their lives but many go unnoticed and are probably similar to my experience. I’m hoping that’s my one out the way and over with but it’s hard to not be concerned.

  2. I’ve suffered 6 miscarriages so I can relate to how scary bleeding is in pregnancy. I finally had my rainbow baby in June and was hospitalised due to heavy bleeding on 3 occasions. Hope the rest of the pregnancy is smooth for you. Jo x
    Miracle Max recently posted…Max – 6 Months OldMy Profile

    • That must have been more terrifying for you then this pregnancy has been for me. To have suffered 6 miscarriages must be awful and then to carry your rainbow one. I’m so glad it was successful of you though and that it all turned out perfect in the end.

    • Yes luckily it’s not this pregnancy, and even with the pregnancy which did end in miscarriage because I never knew I was pregnant it didn’t affect me like it would if it were a planned baby. x

    • It’s just such a relief seeing the heart beat on the screen and the movements.

  3. Oh such a sweet ending of the story in the end. I’m sorry you’ve been through a miscarriage, so unprepared. And I’m so happy that the new baby is well right now.
    Did the doctors tell you why is the bleeding now? Or how to prevent it?
    My doctor over here in Bulgaria wanted me to do a smear test, only because it’s allowed, but I refused. I see no point in doing it during the pregnancy, especially that I’m feeling well. Everything that the doctors here tell me, I always check with the UK NHS, simply because over here they don’t give you no informed choice, just tell what to do and forget to mention it’s actually optional and might be risky. Sigh!
    Lubka Henry recently posted…Symbol of the new heart beating with its own rhythmMy Profile

    • The nurse told me I could have a smear test while pregnant, but many women refuse it because they think it can bring on miscarriage. Although it doesn’t, however if something did happen afterwards its an easy thing to blame it on. But then she also said if there was anything that showed up through the smear, that nothing could be done until after the birth anyway, so I think I might as well get my smear done as soon as I can after the birth and if there is anything that needs sorting out it can be seen to asap. For now though there is no reason for the bleeding still.

  4. It’s great to hear that everything is fine. At the start of the post I was a bit worried having been reading your other posts. I don’t think I got a scan on the first visit I think at that stage they are too small. Wishing you well and hoping that baby stays strong and keeps baking nicely x

    • I’m at the stage now where I’m waiting to feel the first kicks. I can’t wait to feel that 🙂

  5. I suffered a miscarriage before having my four, and it is just awful. I hope everything goes well for you. What your little boy said is just the cutest thing ever. Kaz x

  6. Wow that must have been just terrifying and you most definitely have your very own little drama llama in that tummy of yours x

  7. I’m so sorry to hear, I hope you feel better soon. You’re such a brave woman.

    • Thank you. Luckily it was a few years back and wasn’t a pregnancy that was planned or known about so wasn’t overly emotional for me. But it did worry me with this pregnancy of course.

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