Carrying on from my rant yesterday, I’ve decided that during pregnancy there should be a set of rules that men should follow so as to not p*ss off their partners. Yes MrLondonMum I’m talking partially to you, and to all other men out there who’s wives and girlfriends are expecting and aren’t pulling their fingers out!
A man will never truly understand the weight of pregnancy, but he can do a lot in which to support his wife or girlfriend and help her as she helps to form his child.
1. Your wife or girlfriend is not the only one pregnant you are too. You are 50% of the child she’s incubating so act like it.
2. Your wife or girlfriend HAS to stop drinking for the health of your child. I think it’s therefore appropriate for the father to stop drinking during those months as well to support his wife/girlfriend and prove she’s not alone.
3. Don’t stop being affectionate. A pregnant woman needs more affection and attention then you realise. Her body is changing and she feels insecure. Show her interest.
4. Be interested in the baby because when it comes along you’ll be expected to help out. It’s frustrating that women seem to be the ones that buy and read the baby books, men just don’t touch them. You have no idea what’s happening inside your wife’s/girlfriend’s body unless you make it your business to know. It’s as much your responsibility as it is hers.
5. Just because she’s a woman don’t leave all the baby buying jobs up to her. Do you realise how much we’d love an involved partner who wakes up and wants to go look at prams, baby clothes, blankets etc without us having to pester you? Again if you read those damn baby books you’d realise there is so much to buy and it doesn’t just appear.
6. Don’t use these pregnant months as an excuse to have fun with your friends. Your wife/girlfriend can’t go out anymore like she used to. Be respectful of that. Make sure she’s invited to all events (even if she doesn’t want to go don’t leave her out) and make sure she’s not overlooked or made to feel invisible especially by you.
7. Make time for the relationship. Without a good relationship foundation things will only get harder once the baby comes along. Make sure you don’t lose that spark. If you think she’s unhappy then do something about it. It doesn’t have to mean spending money but put some effort in at least!
As an idea create a ‘Date Night’ jar.
- Fill a jar with colour coded ice lolly sticks.
- Red = expensive and requires planning, pink = cost something but not too expensive but you have to leave home, colourless =free or really cheap and can be at home.
- Write date night ideas on the appropriate sticks. eg. On a red stick you might write ‘book in a stay at Claridges’ on a pink stick you might write ‘go to a restaurant together’ and on a colourless stick you might write ‘bake cookies together or MrLondonMum gets to pick a movie’
8. Listen to your wife/girlfriend. Her life and body are changing immeasurably and on top of that she has to think about the birth. Spend some time with her talking to her about anything that troubles her.
9. Try and take as much on as you can to stop her from being stressed.
In my case we’re buying a house at the moment, I’m the one that has to deal with all of the issues. I still have bills even though I’m not working and have to make sure the payments are made. I have 9 weeks left of this pregnancy and I’m living in a studio flat which is now overcrowded and untidy because we have no space. There’s a squirrel that’s decided to live in the roof of my flat so I have to look for pest control before he actually destroys anything of importance which could end up costly and repair the damage he’s already created (not the biggest issue but just adds to things). We haven’t got everything ready for the baby, and I want it all done so I can feel more assured. I feel like I’m constantly loading and unloading the dishwasher, doing the washing and pretty much the only one that tries to keep things clean. That’s just the icing on the cake, add to the mixture the fear of the birth and the arrival of the baby and you have one stressed out mumma that wants to scream blue murder!
10. A pregnancy lasts 40 weeks if you can’t make those changes for 40 weeks of your life while your partner undergoes some serious changes then you aren’t a real man. Real men don’t just watch as bystanders they make sure they’re in the deep end with the ones they love.