This is a hard post to write because I’m probably going to come across as whiney and unappreciative. But as much as I love the baby I’m carrying I feel like as a woman I’m completely overlooked and I’m invisible to everyone around me.
This all came to head on Saturday night while I was out with my other half at a 30th birthday party. From the moment I got to the party my other half disappeared with his friends to drink and be jolly leaving me, the sober one to just be a burden to the party atmosphere. Don’t get me wrong I’m not anti social I’ll mingle and do my rounds and chat and gossip with everyone and anyone but I’m acutely aware that I’m not exactly the person people want to have fun with as I can’t drink or reach the level that they’re at. Plus while I’m chatting away I end up feeling breathless or my legs end up aching. Without a support I feel like I’m alone.
I tried my hardest to not make it an issue, but seeing my other half talk to other women who looked amazing and svelte just made me feel like a bloated whale and really insecure. I’m not typically an insecure person as I don’t feel like it warrants my emotions normally, but that night I really felt it.
I know that with the baby coming everything will change and so I try to allow my other half to have his fun but if I’m being honest I think I resent that because it feels like I’m the only one dealing with this pregnancy and having to make sacrifices. Especially when I am out with him and he’s nowhere to be seen, it’s like he can’t be bothered with me because there are more entertaining people for him to chat and talk to. Again who wants to talk to the sober pregnant lady?
It’s a horrible feeling and I’ve told him how I feel, but I just don’t think he fully understands how I’m truly feeling. By midnight at most events I go to with my other half I will be sent home (gratefully) in a taxi and he’ll continue spending time with his friends, but to me that means he should be more attentive when I am there so I don’t feel like I’m overlooked and unwanted.
He’s tried to make me feel better, cooking my favourite meals, booking a little break away for us, buying me flowers. But it doesn’t deal with my actual emotional state. All those things are lovely but they don’t help me feel secure right now.
Welcome to the emotional state of a pregnant woman.
(30 weeks and 1 day)